80,000 Pathans meet in the Peshawar Stadium for a "Pathans Are Not Stupid" Convention.
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that Pathans are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A Pathan works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks him, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds he says, "Eighteen!" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 PAthans start cheering, "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give him another chance."So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, "Ninety?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the Pathan starts crying and the 80,000 men begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance-- What is 2 plus 2?"
The man closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 pathans jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts
Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
HELL JOKE
A Malaysian Joke!
A Malaysian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a
different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks: "What do they do here?"
He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.
He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Malaysian hell and finds that there is a very long
line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed he asks "What do they do here?"
He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the Malaysian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells
why are there so many people waiting to get in? "
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,
someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a
former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the
canteen..."
A Malaysian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a
different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks: "What do they do here?"
He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.
He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Malaysian hell and finds that there is a very long
line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed he asks "What do they do here?"
He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the Malaysian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells
why are there so many people waiting to get in? "
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,
someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a
former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the
canteen..."
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Jane and Arlene
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts i t over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers. "Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Definition
Nurse - A person who wake you up to give you sleeping pills !
Marriage - An agreement in which a man loese his Bachelor degree and a woman gain her
Master
Divorce - Future tense of Marriage
Tears - The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine
waterpower
Lecture - An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the
student without passing through the minds of either.
Conference - The confusion of one men multiplied by the numbers present.
Compromise - The art of dividing the cake in such a way that everybody believe he got the
biggest piece.
Dictionary - A place where success come before work
Conference Room - A place where everbody talk , nobody listen and everybody disagree later
on
Father - A Banker provide by nature
Criminal - A guy no different from the rest.....except he got caught !
Boss - Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician - On who shake your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor - A person who kill ills by pill......and kill you by bills
Classic - Books , who people praise... but do not read.
Smile - A curve that can set a lot of thing straight.
Office - A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life
Yawn - The only time some married ever get to open his mouth
Etc.. - A sign that make others beleive that you know more that you actually do
Committee - Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can
be done together.
Experience - The name men give to their mistakes
Atom Bomb - An invention that end all inventions.
Philosopher - A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken when dead
Marriage - An agreement in which a man loese his Bachelor degree and a woman gain her
Master
Divorce - Future tense of Marriage
Tears - The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine
waterpower
Lecture - An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the
student without passing through the minds of either.
Conference - The confusion of one men multiplied by the numbers present.
Compromise - The art of dividing the cake in such a way that everybody believe he got the
biggest piece.
Dictionary - A place where success come before work
Conference Room - A place where everbody talk , nobody listen and everybody disagree later
on
Father - A Banker provide by nature
Criminal - A guy no different from the rest.....except he got caught !
Boss - Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician - On who shake your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor - A person who kill ills by pill......and kill you by bills
Classic - Books , who people praise... but do not read.
Smile - A curve that can set a lot of thing straight.
Office - A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life
Yawn - The only time some married ever get to open his mouth
Etc.. - A sign that make others beleive that you know more that you actually do
Committee - Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can
be done together.
Experience - The name men give to their mistakes
Atom Bomb - An invention that end all inventions.
Philosopher - A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken when dead
Friday, September 21, 2007
Impact on Job Change
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped few centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said: 'Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!'.
The passenger apologized and said, 'I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much.' The driver replied, 'Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver -
I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped few centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said: 'Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!'.
The passenger apologized and said, 'I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much.' The driver replied, 'Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver -
I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years
Monday, July 2, 2007
Hotel Bill
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired tocontinue and decide to stop for a rest.
They pull into a nice hotel and take a room, but they plan tosleep for only four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands thema bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk that, although it's a nice hotel, the rooms are certainly not worth $350.
When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man and explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and! wife to use.
"But we didn't use them," the man complains. "Well, they are here and you could have," explains the Manager
e goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the showsfor which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the managain. "Well, we have them and you could have," the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies "But we didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved and eventually the man gives up andagrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir,"he says, "this check is made out only for $50."
"That's correct," says the man. "I charged you $300 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well, too bad," the man replies. "She was here and you could have."
They pull into a nice hotel and take a room, but they plan tosleep for only four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands thema bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk that, although it's a nice hotel, the rooms are certainly not worth $350.
When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man and explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and! wife to use.
"But we didn't use them," the man complains. "Well, they are here and you could have," explains the Manager
e goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the showsfor which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the managain. "Well, we have them and you could have," the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies "But we didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved and eventually the man gives up andagrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir,"he says, "this check is made out only for $50."
"That's correct," says the man. "I charged you $300 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well, too bad," the man replies. "She was here and you could have."
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Confessionals
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest,
"I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I>stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in.
You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according>to you, that's the same as putting it in !"
______________________________________________________________
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession.
Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."
The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."
The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."
Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya 'think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"
Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?_______________________________________________________________
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
Man: "I'm 92 years old .... I'm telling everybody!"
"I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I>stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in.
You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according>to you, that's the same as putting it in !"
______________________________________________________________
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession.
Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."
The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."
The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."
Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya 'think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"
Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?_______________________________________________________________
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
Man: "I'm 92 years old .... I'm telling everybody!"
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