Two Ghost Met And Both Chat About How They Died

1st ghost : How u died?
2nd ghost : I died of cold.
1st ghost : How does it feel when you're dying in cold?
2nd ghost : Actually, I was imprisoned in the refrigerator. Initially, I was shivering, then my whole body started to freeze, later I felt the whole world was dark and I died. Fortunately, I died with not much sufferings.
1st ghost : You're so pityful....
2nd ghost : How about you? How did u die?
1st ghost : I died from heart attack.
2nd ghost : I see, why did u have a heart attack?
1st ghost : Actually, I found out that my wife is having an affair with another man. One day, when I came back from work, saw a pair of man shoes outside my house. Then, I realized that the guy was in my house with my wife. When I rushed into the bedroom, my wife was alone. I must find where that bastard is hiding. So I searched the toilet, I ran downstairs, looked in the storeroom, but the bastard was not there. So, I ran upstairs and searched the wardrobe, but I found nothing. Because I was too tired of all that running,I got a heart attack and died.
2nd ghost : Why didn't you look for the bastard in the fridge? If you did, both of us were alive now!!

What Do You Thinkl ????

Guys drink to forget about the girl...
Girls drink to think back about the guy...

When guys are in love, they become poor.
When girls are in love, they become pretty...

Guys can forget, but cannot forgive...
Girls can forgive, but cannot forget..

Guys care the most about the quantity of love...
Girls care the most about the quality of love..

Guys break-up when they feel love from another girl...
Girls break-up when they feel the feeling of separation from her man...

Guys feel curiosity towards all girls...
Girls feel curiosity towards guys who are interested in her..

When guys are heartbroken, they try to forget about the girl by going out with another girl...
When girls are heartbroken, they try to find his characteristics from another guy...

Guys wish to be her first love....
Girls wish to be his last love...

"Women are nothing but trouble,
And Men are nothing but trouble seekers."

Breast Biting

A guywalking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts.
He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?
"Are you nuts? !!" she replies, and keeps walking away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.
"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.
"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"
So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again.
"Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?"
She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh?
Ok, just once, but not here.
Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.
As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?"
"Nah", he replies. "Costs too much...............">

Definition

Nurse - A person who wake you up to give you sleeping pills !

Marriage - An agreement in which a man loese his Bachelor degree and a woman gain her
Master

Divorce - Future tense of Marriage

Tears - The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine
waterpower

Lecture - An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the
student without passing through the minds of either.

Conference - The confusion of one men multiplied by the numbers present.

Compromise - The art of dividing the cake in such a way that everybody believe he got the
biggest piece.

Dictionary - A place where success come before work

Conference Room - A place where everbody talk , nobody listen and everybody disagree later
on

Father - A Banker provide by nature

Criminal - A guy no different from the rest.....except he got caught !

Boss - Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician - On who shake your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Doctor - A person who kill ills by pill......and kill you by bills

Classic - Books , who people praise... but do not read.

Smile - A curve that can set a lot of thing straight.

Office - A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life

Yawn - The only time some married ever get to open his mouth

Etc.. - A sign that make others beleive that you know more that you actually do

Committee - Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can
be done together.

Experience - The name men give to their mistakes

Atom Bomb - An invention that end all inventions.

Philosopher - A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken when dead

Talcum powder

This incident happened last week on air
Yasmin Yusof, a DJ on Radio 4 asked listeners on her radio program to call to answer trivia questions.
The first caller to give the correct answer would get a prize from the sponsor.
She asked: 'Can anyone out there tell me the household name of Sodium Chloride'
A caller who is a housewife called up eager to answer the question. Not knowing the answer to the question, she asked Yasmin for a clue. 'Something you put on your husbands eggs in the morning.' she said. The lady confidently said : 'Talcum powder'.
Yasmin Yusof did not return to the air until after a few songs!

Impact on Job Change

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped few centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said: 'Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!'.
The passenger apologized and said, 'I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much.' The driver replied, 'Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver -
I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years

Bastard

A 20-yr old pretty, sexy and sensual girl went to see apsychiatrist.
'Doctor, I'm so angry at my boyfriend that I must call him Bastard.
I feel that he's gone too far, and he deserves it.'
'Hmm? Such a word is strong and rude. But may be you have your ownreasons.
Tell me about it so that I can help you.
''Yes, thank you, Doctor. There was one night...we parked our car besides the beach and we were alone... and...he held my hand...
' 'Did he hold your hand like this?''
Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're holding it now'
'If it's only this, he doesn't deserve to be called Bastard.
It means he doesn't want to be separated from you.'
'Then, he leaned his body towards me... and hugged me...'
'Like this?''Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're doing.'
'It's not a Bastard. It means he wanna stay forever by your side'
'Then he kissed me...
''Like this?''Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're kissing me.'
'If its only a kiss like this, seriously you can't call him Bastard. It means he adores you.
''Then he put his hands inside my clothes and touched my boobs, Doc...
''Like this?' 'Yes, Doctor... exactly like that' 'It's not behavior of a bastard.
It means he wants to protect you.
' 'Then he took off all my clothes... slowly..
''Did you resist?'
'No. I let him do it, coz I love him...
''Did he take off your clothes like this?''Yes, Doctor. Until I'm completely naked like now......
' 'He still doesn't deserve to be called 'Bastard, because it means he wanna learn about your body completely.
''Then he kissed me and put his.... inside me and had sex with me..
.' 'Did he do it just like what we do?''Yes, Doctor. Exactly the same
' 'You still can't call him Bastard. It means he needs you.' '
But then, he told me that he has AIDS'
All the staff and patients outside heard the doctor screaming,BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRD!