Joke Collection

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.He shoots his friend to death.Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
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Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, "send me a brother"Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
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What is the definition of Mistress?Someone between Mister and Mattress
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Husband asks, "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??"Without Information, Fighting Everytime" Wife replies," No, It means, "With Idiot For Ever !!!"
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Three Feelings:What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.
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Teacher: "u know the importance of period"?Kid: "Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away."
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Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S?
B'coz people started licking the wrong side
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Women asked man who is traveling with six children, "all these kids are urs?""No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints."
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Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives. 1st: "How urs look like?"2nd: "She is 5'7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. Wat abt urs?" 1st: "Forget mine. Lets find urs!"
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Son asks difference between "in confidence" and "confidential"Dad says, "In confidence, you are my son, "Yr friend is also my son, but that's confidential!"
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Mother to her teenage daughter: "I think this is the right time we shouldtalk about sex."Daughter (Excitingly) : "Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know." Mother faints..