A guywalking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts.
He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?
"Are you nuts? !!" she replies, and keeps walking away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.
"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.
"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"
So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again.
"Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?"
She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh?
Ok, just once, but not here.
Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.
As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?"
"Nah", he replies. "Costs too much...............">
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Definition
Nurse - A person who wake you up to give you sleeping pills !
Marriage - An agreement in which a man loese his Bachelor degree and a woman gain her
Master
Divorce - Future tense of Marriage
Tears - The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine
waterpower
Lecture - An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the
student without passing through the minds of either.
Conference - The confusion of one men multiplied by the numbers present.
Compromise - The art of dividing the cake in such a way that everybody believe he got the
biggest piece.
Dictionary - A place where success come before work
Conference Room - A place where everbody talk , nobody listen and everybody disagree later
on
Father - A Banker provide by nature
Criminal - A guy no different from the rest.....except he got caught !
Boss - Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician - On who shake your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor - A person who kill ills by pill......and kill you by bills
Classic - Books , who people praise... but do not read.
Smile - A curve that can set a lot of thing straight.
Office - A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life
Yawn - The only time some married ever get to open his mouth
Etc.. - A sign that make others beleive that you know more that you actually do
Committee - Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can
be done together.
Experience - The name men give to their mistakes
Atom Bomb - An invention that end all inventions.
Philosopher - A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken when dead
Marriage - An agreement in which a man loese his Bachelor degree and a woman gain her
Master
Divorce - Future tense of Marriage
Tears - The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine
waterpower
Lecture - An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the
student without passing through the minds of either.
Conference - The confusion of one men multiplied by the numbers present.
Compromise - The art of dividing the cake in such a way that everybody believe he got the
biggest piece.
Dictionary - A place where success come before work
Conference Room - A place where everbody talk , nobody listen and everybody disagree later
on
Father - A Banker provide by nature
Criminal - A guy no different from the rest.....except he got caught !
Boss - Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician - On who shake your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor - A person who kill ills by pill......and kill you by bills
Classic - Books , who people praise... but do not read.
Smile - A curve that can set a lot of thing straight.
Office - A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life
Yawn - The only time some married ever get to open his mouth
Etc.. - A sign that make others beleive that you know more that you actually do
Committee - Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can
be done together.
Experience - The name men give to their mistakes
Atom Bomb - An invention that end all inventions.
Philosopher - A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken when dead
Friday, September 21, 2007
Talcum powder
This incident happened last week on air
Yasmin Yusof, a DJ on Radio 4 asked listeners on her radio program to call to answer trivia questions.
The first caller to give the correct answer would get a prize from the sponsor.
She asked: 'Can anyone out there tell me the household name of Sodium Chloride'
A caller who is a housewife called up eager to answer the question. Not knowing the answer to the question, she asked Yasmin for a clue. 'Something you put on your husbands eggs in the morning.' she said. The lady confidently said : 'Talcum powder'.
Yasmin Yusof did not return to the air until after a few songs!
Yasmin Yusof, a DJ on Radio 4 asked listeners on her radio program to call to answer trivia questions.
The first caller to give the correct answer would get a prize from the sponsor.
She asked: 'Can anyone out there tell me the household name of Sodium Chloride'
A caller who is a housewife called up eager to answer the question. Not knowing the answer to the question, she asked Yasmin for a clue. 'Something you put on your husbands eggs in the morning.' she said. The lady confidently said : 'Talcum powder'.
Yasmin Yusof did not return to the air until after a few songs!
Impact on Job Change
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped few centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said: 'Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!'.
The passenger apologized and said, 'I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much.' The driver replied, 'Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver -
I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped few centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said: 'Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!'.
The passenger apologized and said, 'I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much.' The driver replied, 'Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver -
I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Bastard
A 20-yr old pretty, sexy and sensual girl went to see apsychiatrist.
'Doctor, I'm so angry at my boyfriend that I must call him Bastard.
I feel that he's gone too far, and he deserves it.'
'Hmm? Such a word is strong and rude. But may be you have your ownreasons.
Tell me about it so that I can help you.
''Yes, thank you, Doctor. There was one night...we parked our car besides the beach and we were alone... and...he held my hand...
' 'Did he hold your hand like this?''
Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're holding it now'
'If it's only this, he doesn't deserve to be called Bastard.
It means he doesn't want to be separated from you.'
'Then, he leaned his body towards me... and hugged me...'
'Like this?''Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're doing.'
'It's not a Bastard. It means he wanna stay forever by your side'
'Then he kissed me...
''Like this?''Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're kissing me.'
'If its only a kiss like this, seriously you can't call him Bastard. It means he adores you.
''Then he put his hands inside my clothes and touched my boobs, Doc...
''Like this?' 'Yes, Doctor... exactly like that' 'It's not behavior of a bastard.
It means he wants to protect you.
' 'Then he took off all my clothes... slowly..
''Did you resist?'
'No. I let him do it, coz I love him...
''Did he take off your clothes like this?''Yes, Doctor. Until I'm completely naked like now......
' 'He still doesn't deserve to be called 'Bastard, because it means he wanna learn about your body completely.
''Then he kissed me and put his.... inside me and had sex with me..
.' 'Did he do it just like what we do?''Yes, Doctor. Exactly the same
' 'You still can't call him Bastard. It means he needs you.' '
But then, he told me that he has AIDS'
All the staff and patients outside heard the doctor screaming,BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRD!
'Doctor, I'm so angry at my boyfriend that I must call him Bastard.
I feel that he's gone too far, and he deserves it.'
'Hmm? Such a word is strong and rude. But may be you have your ownreasons.
Tell me about it so that I can help you.
''Yes, thank you, Doctor. There was one night...we parked our car besides the beach and we were alone... and...he held my hand...
' 'Did he hold your hand like this?''
Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're holding it now'
'If it's only this, he doesn't deserve to be called Bastard.
It means he doesn't want to be separated from you.'
'Then, he leaned his body towards me... and hugged me...'
'Like this?''Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're doing.'
'It's not a Bastard. It means he wanna stay forever by your side'
'Then he kissed me...
''Like this?''Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're kissing me.'
'If its only a kiss like this, seriously you can't call him Bastard. It means he adores you.
''Then he put his hands inside my clothes and touched my boobs, Doc...
''Like this?' 'Yes, Doctor... exactly like that' 'It's not behavior of a bastard.
It means he wants to protect you.
' 'Then he took off all my clothes... slowly..
''Did you resist?'
'No. I let him do it, coz I love him...
''Did he take off your clothes like this?''Yes, Doctor. Until I'm completely naked like now......
' 'He still doesn't deserve to be called 'Bastard, because it means he wanna learn about your body completely.
''Then he kissed me and put his.... inside me and had sex with me..
.' 'Did he do it just like what we do?''Yes, Doctor. Exactly the same
' 'You still can't call him Bastard. It means he needs you.' '
But then, he told me that he has AIDS'
All the staff and patients outside heard the doctor screaming,BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRD!
Monday, August 27, 2007
Pregnant ?
In a second grade sex education class, a little girl asks,
" Teacher, can my momma get pregnant?"
The teacher asks,
"How old is your mother?"
The little girl says,
"Forty."
The teacher says,
"Yes, your mother could get pregnant."
The little girl asks,
"Can my big sister get pregnant?"
The teacher asks,
"How old is your sister?"
The little girl answers,
"Nineteen."
The teacher says,
"Oh my yes, your sister certainly could get pregnant."
The little girl asks,
"Can I get pregnant?"
The teacher asks,
"How old are you?"
The little girl says,
"I'm seven years ! ! old."
The teacher says,
"No, you can't get pregnant."
The little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says,
"See, I told you we had nothing to worry about."
" Teacher, can my momma get pregnant?"
The teacher asks,
"How old is your mother?"
The little girl says,
"Forty."
The teacher says,
"Yes, your mother could get pregnant."
The little girl asks,
"Can my big sister get pregnant?"
The teacher asks,
"How old is your sister?"
The little girl answers,
"Nineteen."
The teacher says,
"Oh my yes, your sister certainly could get pregnant."
The little girl asks,
"Can I get pregnant?"
The teacher asks,
"How old are you?"
The little girl says,
"I'm seven years ! ! old."
The teacher says,
"No, you can't get pregnant."
The little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says,
"See, I told you we had nothing to worry about."
Inspiring Thoughts
1. Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind .
2. You can't change the past,But you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.
3. Love...and you shall be loved.
4. God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him.
5. All people smile in the same language.
6. Everyone needs to be loved...Especially when they do not deserve it. *
7. The real measure of a man's wealth is what he has invested in eternity.
8. Laughter is God's sunshine.
9. Everyone has beauty, but not everyone sees it.*
10. It's important for parents to live the same things they teach.
11. Thank God for what you have,TRUST GOD for what you need.
12. If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow, You have no
today to be thankful for.
13. Man looks at outward appearance, but the Lord looks within.
14. The choice you make today, will usually affect tomorrow.
15. Take time to laugh, for it is the music of the soul .
16. Patience is the ability to idle your motor, when you feel like stripping your gears.
17. Love is strengthened by working through conflicts together.
18. Harsh words break no bones, but they do break hearts .
19. To get out of a difficulty, one usually must go through it.
20. We take for granted the things, that we should be giving thanks for.
21. Love is the only thing that can be divided without being diminished.
22. Happiness is enhanced by others, but does not depend upon others.
23.. For every minute you are angry with someone,You lose 60 seconds of happiness that you
can never get back.
24. Do what you can, for who you can, with what you have, and where you are.
2. You can't change the past,But you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.
3. Love...and you shall be loved.
4. God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him.
5. All people smile in the same language.
6. Everyone needs to be loved...Especially when they do not deserve it. *
7. The real measure of a man's wealth is what he has invested in eternity.
8. Laughter is God's sunshine.
9. Everyone has beauty, but not everyone sees it.*
10. It's important for parents to live the same things they teach.
11. Thank God for what you have,TRUST GOD for what you need.
12. If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow, You have no
today to be thankful for.
13. Man looks at outward appearance, but the Lord looks within.
14. The choice you make today, will usually affect tomorrow.
15. Take time to laugh, for it is the music of the soul .
16. Patience is the ability to idle your motor, when you feel like stripping your gears.
17. Love is strengthened by working through conflicts together.
18. Harsh words break no bones, but they do break hearts .
19. To get out of a difficulty, one usually must go through it.
20. We take for granted the things, that we should be giving thanks for.
21. Love is the only thing that can be divided without being diminished.
22. Happiness is enhanced by others, but does not depend upon others.
23.. For every minute you are angry with someone,You lose 60 seconds of happiness that you
can never get back.
24. Do what you can, for who you can, with what you have, and where you are.
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