I received this from a friend who had a choice to make. It said that I had a choice to make too.
I've chosen. Now it's your turn to choose.
The story goes that some time ago a mother punished her five year old daughter for wasting a roll of expensive gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and she became even more upset when the child used the gold paper to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree.
Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift box to her mother the next morning and then said, "This is for you, Momma."
The mother was embarrassed by her earlier over reaction, but her anger flared again when she opened the box and found it was empty. She spoke to her daughter in a harsh manner.
"Don't you know, young lady, when you give someone a present there's supposed to be something inside the package?"
She had tears in her eyes and said, "Oh, Momma, it's not empty! I blew kisses into it until it was full."
The mother was crushed. She fell on her knees and put her arms around her little girl, and she begged her forgiveness for her thoughtless anger.
An accident took the life of the child only a short time later, and it is told that the mother kept that gold box by her bed for all the years of her life.
Whenever she was discouraged or faced difficult problems she would open the box and take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there.
In a very real sense, each of us, as human beings, have been given a Golden box filled with unconditional love and kisses from our children, family, friends and GOD. There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.
You now have two choices:
1. Pass this on to your friends, or
2. Delete it and act like it didn't touch your heart.
As you can see, I took choice No. 1. Friends are like angels who lift us to our feet, when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.
If you receive this more than once in return just know that your friends have also thought of you! Tell your friend you Care
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
The Blonde Model
"Miss Jones, we can't employ you as a model," the editor from the men's
magazine explained. "It's too obvious that your blonde hair isn't
natural, since the hair between your legs is black."
The model picked up a paperweight and slammed it down on the editor's
fingers.
"What the hell did you do that for!" he exploded. She smiled sweetly and
said, "Look at your fingers. They're turning black, right? And they've
only been banged once."
magazine explained. "It's too obvious that your blonde hair isn't
natural, since the hair between your legs is black."
The model picked up a paperweight and slammed it down on the editor's
fingers.
"What the hell did you do that for!" he exploded. She smiled sweetly and
said, "Look at your fingers. They're turning black, right? And they've
only been banged once."
Dominant Male huh ?
Never think that God's delays are God's denials.
Hold on; hold fast; hold out. Patience is genius.
Men and Women on planet earth died at various places throughout the
world at a particular moment in time and go to God's abode to be judged.
The God welcomes this new batch and tries his experimental new judgement
trick and says," I want all you humans to form two queues.
One line is for the men who dominated their women,
and the other one for the men who were dominated by their women.
Also, I want all the women to go away from here so that no man and woman can talk and I can talk to men alone."
When the women were gone, the Almighty returns and there are two lines.
The line for the men who were dominated by their women is a hundred miles
long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there is only one
solitary man.
The God about to open his third eye of anger, thunders,
"You men should be ashamed of yourselves.
I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud.
Learn from him!"
"Come and tell all them henpecked, my brave son, how did you manage to
be the only one in this line?" God asked.
The nervous man replies, "I don't know sir, but my wife told me to stand
here, until this is over ."
Hold on; hold fast; hold out. Patience is genius.
Men and Women on planet earth died at various places throughout the
world at a particular moment in time and go to God's abode to be judged.
The God welcomes this new batch and tries his experimental new judgement
trick and says," I want all you humans to form two queues.
One line is for the men who dominated their women,
and the other one for the men who were dominated by their women.
Also, I want all the women to go away from here so that no man and woman can talk and I can talk to men alone."
When the women were gone, the Almighty returns and there are two lines.
The line for the men who were dominated by their women is a hundred miles
long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there is only one
solitary man.
The God about to open his third eye of anger, thunders,
"You men should be ashamed of yourselves.
I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud.
Learn from him!"
"Come and tell all them henpecked, my brave son, how did you manage to
be the only one in this line?" God asked.
The nervous man replies, "I don't know sir, but my wife told me to stand
here, until this is over ."
Monday, December 10, 2007
Love Dress
A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house.
She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked
to see her daughter-in-law laying on the couch, totally naked. Soft
music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for John to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered..
"But you're naked!" The mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress." The daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"John loves me to wear this dress." She explained.
"It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours. He can't get enough of me".
The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, puton her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" He asked.
"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.
"Needs ironing, " he said - "What's for dinner?"
She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked
to see her daughter-in-law laying on the couch, totally naked. Soft
music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for John to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered..
"But you're naked!" The mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress." The daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"John loves me to wear this dress." She explained.
"It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours. He can't get enough of me".
The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, puton her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" He asked.
"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.
"Needs ironing, " he said - "What's for dinner?"
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Little Johnny
A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'' She calls on little Johnny.
''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''
The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4, but I like the way you think.''
Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?''
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, ''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''
''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like the way you think .''
''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''
The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4, but I like the way you think.''
Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?''
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, ''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''
''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like the way you think .''
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
HELL JOKE
A Malaysian Joke!
A Malaysian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a
different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks: "What do they do here?"
He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.
He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Malaysian hell and finds that there is a very long
line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed he asks "What do they do here?"
He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the Malaysian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells
why are there so many people waiting to get in? "
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,
someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a
former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the
canteen..."
A Malaysian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a
different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks: "What do they do here?"
He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.
He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Malaysian hell and finds that there is a very long
line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed he asks "What do they do here?"
He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the Malaysian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells
why are there so many people waiting to get in? "
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,
someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a
former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the
canteen..."
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Joke Collection
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.He shoots his friend to death.Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
========= ========= ========= ==
Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, "send me a brother"Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
What is the definition of Mistress?Someone between Mister and Mattress
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Husband asks, "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??"Without Information, Fighting Everytime" Wife replies," No, It means, "With Idiot For Ever !!!"
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Three Feelings:What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Teacher: "u know the importance of period"?Kid: "Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away."
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S?
B'coz people started licking the wrong side
.============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, "all these kids are urs?""No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints."
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives. 1st: "How urs look like?"2nd: "She is 5'7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. Wat abt urs?" 1st: "Forget mine. Lets find urs!"
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Son asks difference between "in confidence" and "confidential"Dad says, "In confidence, you are my son, "Yr friend is also my son, but that's confidential!"
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Mother to her teenage daughter: "I think this is the right time we shouldtalk about sex."Daughter (Excitingly) : "Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know." Mother faints..
========= ========= ========= ==
Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, "send me a brother"Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
What is the definition of Mistress?Someone between Mister and Mattress
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Husband asks, "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??"Without Information, Fighting Everytime" Wife replies," No, It means, "With Idiot For Ever !!!"
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Three Feelings:What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Teacher: "u know the importance of period"?Kid: "Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away."
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S?
B'coz people started licking the wrong side
.============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, "all these kids are urs?""No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints."
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives. 1st: "How urs look like?"2nd: "She is 5'7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. Wat abt urs?" 1st: "Forget mine. Lets find urs!"
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Son asks difference between "in confidence" and "confidential"Dad says, "In confidence, you are my son, "Yr friend is also my son, but that's confidential!"
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Mother to her teenage daughter: "I think this is the right time we shouldtalk about sex."Daughter (Excitingly) : "Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know." Mother faints..
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Jane and Arlene
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts i t over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers. "Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Classic One line joke
Ladies hostel caught Fire. It took 1 hour to bring the fire under control and another 3 hours to bring the firemen under control.
-------------------------------------------
Wife: If I sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought to come in your mind? Husband: that you are a lesbian.
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Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S ??? Because the people started licking the wrong side!
-------------------------------------------------------- Nobody is ever satisfied, Poor men wish they were rich, Rich men wish they were handsome, Bachelors wish they were married & Married men wish they were Dead!
----------------------------------------------------------
Lady : "I want a good vibrator" Salesman: "Ma'am ! you may select one from our range that is displayed on that wall" Lady : "O.K. I'll take that red one" Salesman: "Sorry, that's our fire-extinguisher";
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A divorced Couple were contesting for possession of the child. The mother said: "I gave birth to him - he's mine" The father said: "I put a coin in the pepsi machine and a can comes out - the pepsi belongs to me! not to the machine !!"
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A girl says to her boyfriend, "One kiss and I'll be yours forever." The guy says 'thanks for the warning'
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A Husband Was Asked: "Do you talk to your wife after sex?" He replied: "Depends, If I Can find a Phone"
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Definition of a Gynecologist: Someone who looks for problems where others look for pleasure!!!
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Man to wife on wedding night- "Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with?' "Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!'
Joke 1
A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below. He thought to himself, "Life isn't so bad after all," and got off the railing. He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life. "Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind." "Dancing? I'm not dancing!" the armless man replied bitterly... "My as$hole itches, and I can't scratch it!"
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Two Ghost Met And Both Chat About How They Died
1st ghost : How u died?
2nd ghost : I died of cold.
1st ghost : How does it feel when you're dying in cold?
2nd ghost : Actually, I was imprisoned in the refrigerator. Initially, I was shivering, then my whole body started to freeze, later I felt the whole world was dark and I died. Fortunately, I died with not much sufferings.
1st ghost : You're so pityful....
2nd ghost : How about you? How did u die?
1st ghost : I died from heart attack.
2nd ghost : I see, why did u have a heart attack?
1st ghost : Actually, I found out that my wife is having an affair with another man. One day, when I came back from work, saw a pair of man shoes outside my house. Then, I realized that the guy was in my house with my wife. When I rushed into the bedroom, my wife was alone. I must find where that bastard is hiding. So I searched the toilet, I ran downstairs, looked in the storeroom, but the bastard was not there. So, I ran upstairs and searched the wardrobe, but I found nothing. Because I was too tired of all that running,I got a heart attack and died.
2nd ghost : Why didn't you look for the bastard in the fridge? If you did, both of us were alive now!!
2nd ghost : I died of cold.
1st ghost : How does it feel when you're dying in cold?
2nd ghost : Actually, I was imprisoned in the refrigerator. Initially, I was shivering, then my whole body started to freeze, later I felt the whole world was dark and I died. Fortunately, I died with not much sufferings.
1st ghost : You're so pityful....
2nd ghost : How about you? How did u die?
1st ghost : I died from heart attack.
2nd ghost : I see, why did u have a heart attack?
1st ghost : Actually, I found out that my wife is having an affair with another man. One day, when I came back from work, saw a pair of man shoes outside my house. Then, I realized that the guy was in my house with my wife. When I rushed into the bedroom, my wife was alone. I must find where that bastard is hiding. So I searched the toilet, I ran downstairs, looked in the storeroom, but the bastard was not there. So, I ran upstairs and searched the wardrobe, but I found nothing. Because I was too tired of all that running,I got a heart attack and died.
2nd ghost : Why didn't you look for the bastard in the fridge? If you did, both of us were alive now!!
What Do You Thinkl ????
Guys drink to forget about the girl...
Girls drink to think back about the guy...
When guys are in love, they become poor.
When girls are in love, they become pretty...
Guys can forget, but cannot forgive...
Girls can forgive, but cannot forget..
Guys care the most about the quantity of love...
Girls care the most about the quality of love..
Guys break-up when they feel love from another girl...
Girls break-up when they feel the feeling of separation from her man...
Guys feel curiosity towards all girls...
Girls feel curiosity towards guys who are interested in her..
When guys are heartbroken, they try to forget about the girl by going out with another girl...
When girls are heartbroken, they try to find his characteristics from another guy...
Guys wish to be her first love....
Girls wish to be his last love...
"Women are nothing but trouble,
And Men are nothing but trouble seekers."
Girls drink to think back about the guy...
When guys are in love, they become poor.
When girls are in love, they become pretty...
Guys can forget, but cannot forgive...
Girls can forgive, but cannot forget..
Guys care the most about the quantity of love...
Girls care the most about the quality of love..
Guys break-up when they feel love from another girl...
Girls break-up when they feel the feeling of separation from her man...
Guys feel curiosity towards all girls...
Girls feel curiosity towards guys who are interested in her..
When guys are heartbroken, they try to forget about the girl by going out with another girl...
When girls are heartbroken, they try to find his characteristics from another guy...
Guys wish to be her first love....
Girls wish to be his last love...
"Women are nothing but trouble,
And Men are nothing but trouble seekers."
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Breast Biting
A guywalking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts.
He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?
"Are you nuts? !!" she replies, and keeps walking away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.
"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.
"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"
So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again.
"Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?"
She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh?
Ok, just once, but not here.
Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.
As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?"
"Nah", he replies. "Costs too much...............">
He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?
"Are you nuts? !!" she replies, and keeps walking away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.
"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.
"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"
So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again.
"Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?"
She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh?
Ok, just once, but not here.
Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.
As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?"
"Nah", he replies. "Costs too much...............">
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Definition
Nurse - A person who wake you up to give you sleeping pills !
Marriage - An agreement in which a man loese his Bachelor degree and a woman gain her
Master
Divorce - Future tense of Marriage
Tears - The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine
waterpower
Lecture - An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the
student without passing through the minds of either.
Conference - The confusion of one men multiplied by the numbers present.
Compromise - The art of dividing the cake in such a way that everybody believe he got the
biggest piece.
Dictionary - A place where success come before work
Conference Room - A place where everbody talk , nobody listen and everybody disagree later
on
Father - A Banker provide by nature
Criminal - A guy no different from the rest.....except he got caught !
Boss - Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician - On who shake your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor - A person who kill ills by pill......and kill you by bills
Classic - Books , who people praise... but do not read.
Smile - A curve that can set a lot of thing straight.
Office - A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life
Yawn - The only time some married ever get to open his mouth
Etc.. - A sign that make others beleive that you know more that you actually do
Committee - Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can
be done together.
Experience - The name men give to their mistakes
Atom Bomb - An invention that end all inventions.
Philosopher - A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken when dead
Marriage - An agreement in which a man loese his Bachelor degree and a woman gain her
Master
Divorce - Future tense of Marriage
Tears - The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine
waterpower
Lecture - An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the
student without passing through the minds of either.
Conference - The confusion of one men multiplied by the numbers present.
Compromise - The art of dividing the cake in such a way that everybody believe he got the
biggest piece.
Dictionary - A place where success come before work
Conference Room - A place where everbody talk , nobody listen and everybody disagree later
on
Father - A Banker provide by nature
Criminal - A guy no different from the rest.....except he got caught !
Boss - Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician - On who shake your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor - A person who kill ills by pill......and kill you by bills
Classic - Books , who people praise... but do not read.
Smile - A curve that can set a lot of thing straight.
Office - A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life
Yawn - The only time some married ever get to open his mouth
Etc.. - A sign that make others beleive that you know more that you actually do
Committee - Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can
be done together.
Experience - The name men give to their mistakes
Atom Bomb - An invention that end all inventions.
Philosopher - A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken when dead
Friday, September 21, 2007
Talcum powder
This incident happened last week on air
Yasmin Yusof, a DJ on Radio 4 asked listeners on her radio program to call to answer trivia questions.
The first caller to give the correct answer would get a prize from the sponsor.
She asked: 'Can anyone out there tell me the household name of Sodium Chloride'
A caller who is a housewife called up eager to answer the question. Not knowing the answer to the question, she asked Yasmin for a clue. 'Something you put on your husbands eggs in the morning.' she said. The lady confidently said : 'Talcum powder'.
Yasmin Yusof did not return to the air until after a few songs!
Yasmin Yusof, a DJ on Radio 4 asked listeners on her radio program to call to answer trivia questions.
The first caller to give the correct answer would get a prize from the sponsor.
She asked: 'Can anyone out there tell me the household name of Sodium Chloride'
A caller who is a housewife called up eager to answer the question. Not knowing the answer to the question, she asked Yasmin for a clue. 'Something you put on your husbands eggs in the morning.' she said. The lady confidently said : 'Talcum powder'.
Yasmin Yusof did not return to the air until after a few songs!
Impact on Job Change
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped few centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said: 'Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!'.
The passenger apologized and said, 'I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much.' The driver replied, 'Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver -
I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped few centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said: 'Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!'.
The passenger apologized and said, 'I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much.' The driver replied, 'Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver -
I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Bastard
A 20-yr old pretty, sexy and sensual girl went to see apsychiatrist.
'Doctor, I'm so angry at my boyfriend that I must call him Bastard.
I feel that he's gone too far, and he deserves it.'
'Hmm? Such a word is strong and rude. But may be you have your ownreasons.
Tell me about it so that I can help you.
''Yes, thank you, Doctor. There was one night...we parked our car besides the beach and we were alone... and...he held my hand...
' 'Did he hold your hand like this?''
Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're holding it now'
'If it's only this, he doesn't deserve to be called Bastard.
It means he doesn't want to be separated from you.'
'Then, he leaned his body towards me... and hugged me...'
'Like this?''Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're doing.'
'It's not a Bastard. It means he wanna stay forever by your side'
'Then he kissed me...
''Like this?''Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're kissing me.'
'If its only a kiss like this, seriously you can't call him Bastard. It means he adores you.
''Then he put his hands inside my clothes and touched my boobs, Doc...
''Like this?' 'Yes, Doctor... exactly like that' 'It's not behavior of a bastard.
It means he wants to protect you.
' 'Then he took off all my clothes... slowly..
''Did you resist?'
'No. I let him do it, coz I love him...
''Did he take off your clothes like this?''Yes, Doctor. Until I'm completely naked like now......
' 'He still doesn't deserve to be called 'Bastard, because it means he wanna learn about your body completely.
''Then he kissed me and put his.... inside me and had sex with me..
.' 'Did he do it just like what we do?''Yes, Doctor. Exactly the same
' 'You still can't call him Bastard. It means he needs you.' '
But then, he told me that he has AIDS'
All the staff and patients outside heard the doctor screaming,BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRD!
'Doctor, I'm so angry at my boyfriend that I must call him Bastard.
I feel that he's gone too far, and he deserves it.'
'Hmm? Such a word is strong and rude. But may be you have your ownreasons.
Tell me about it so that I can help you.
''Yes, thank you, Doctor. There was one night...we parked our car besides the beach and we were alone... and...he held my hand...
' 'Did he hold your hand like this?''
Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're holding it now'
'If it's only this, he doesn't deserve to be called Bastard.
It means he doesn't want to be separated from you.'
'Then, he leaned his body towards me... and hugged me...'
'Like this?''Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're doing.'
'It's not a Bastard. It means he wanna stay forever by your side'
'Then he kissed me...
''Like this?''Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're kissing me.'
'If its only a kiss like this, seriously you can't call him Bastard. It means he adores you.
''Then he put his hands inside my clothes and touched my boobs, Doc...
''Like this?' 'Yes, Doctor... exactly like that' 'It's not behavior of a bastard.
It means he wants to protect you.
' 'Then he took off all my clothes... slowly..
''Did you resist?'
'No. I let him do it, coz I love him...
''Did he take off your clothes like this?''Yes, Doctor. Until I'm completely naked like now......
' 'He still doesn't deserve to be called 'Bastard, because it means he wanna learn about your body completely.
''Then he kissed me and put his.... inside me and had sex with me..
.' 'Did he do it just like what we do?''Yes, Doctor. Exactly the same
' 'You still can't call him Bastard. It means he needs you.' '
But then, he told me that he has AIDS'
All the staff and patients outside heard the doctor screaming,BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRD!
Monday, August 27, 2007
Pregnant ?
In a second grade sex education class, a little girl asks,
" Teacher, can my momma get pregnant?"
The teacher asks,
"How old is your mother?"
The little girl says,
"Forty."
The teacher says,
"Yes, your mother could get pregnant."
The little girl asks,
"Can my big sister get pregnant?"
The teacher asks,
"How old is your sister?"
The little girl answers,
"Nineteen."
The teacher says,
"Oh my yes, your sister certainly could get pregnant."
The little girl asks,
"Can I get pregnant?"
The teacher asks,
"How old are you?"
The little girl says,
"I'm seven years ! ! old."
The teacher says,
"No, you can't get pregnant."
The little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says,
"See, I told you we had nothing to worry about."
" Teacher, can my momma get pregnant?"
The teacher asks,
"How old is your mother?"
The little girl says,
"Forty."
The teacher says,
"Yes, your mother could get pregnant."
The little girl asks,
"Can my big sister get pregnant?"
The teacher asks,
"How old is your sister?"
The little girl answers,
"Nineteen."
The teacher says,
"Oh my yes, your sister certainly could get pregnant."
The little girl asks,
"Can I get pregnant?"
The teacher asks,
"How old are you?"
The little girl says,
"I'm seven years ! ! old."
The teacher says,
"No, you can't get pregnant."
The little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says,
"See, I told you we had nothing to worry about."
Inspiring Thoughts
1. Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind .
2. You can't change the past,But you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.
3. Love...and you shall be loved.
4. God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him.
5. All people smile in the same language.
6. Everyone needs to be loved...Especially when they do not deserve it. *
7. The real measure of a man's wealth is what he has invested in eternity.
8. Laughter is God's sunshine.
9. Everyone has beauty, but not everyone sees it.*
10. It's important for parents to live the same things they teach.
11. Thank God for what you have,TRUST GOD for what you need.
12. If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow, You have no
today to be thankful for.
13. Man looks at outward appearance, but the Lord looks within.
14. The choice you make today, will usually affect tomorrow.
15. Take time to laugh, for it is the music of the soul .
16. Patience is the ability to idle your motor, when you feel like stripping your gears.
17. Love is strengthened by working through conflicts together.
18. Harsh words break no bones, but they do break hearts .
19. To get out of a difficulty, one usually must go through it.
20. We take for granted the things, that we should be giving thanks for.
21. Love is the only thing that can be divided without being diminished.
22. Happiness is enhanced by others, but does not depend upon others.
23.. For every minute you are angry with someone,You lose 60 seconds of happiness that you
can never get back.
24. Do what you can, for who you can, with what you have, and where you are.
2. You can't change the past,But you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.
3. Love...and you shall be loved.
4. God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him.
5. All people smile in the same language.
6. Everyone needs to be loved...Especially when they do not deserve it. *
7. The real measure of a man's wealth is what he has invested in eternity.
8. Laughter is God's sunshine.
9. Everyone has beauty, but not everyone sees it.*
10. It's important for parents to live the same things they teach.
11. Thank God for what you have,TRUST GOD for what you need.
12. If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow, You have no
today to be thankful for.
13. Man looks at outward appearance, but the Lord looks within.
14. The choice you make today, will usually affect tomorrow.
15. Take time to laugh, for it is the music of the soul .
16. Patience is the ability to idle your motor, when you feel like stripping your gears.
17. Love is strengthened by working through conflicts together.
18. Harsh words break no bones, but they do break hearts .
19. To get out of a difficulty, one usually must go through it.
20. We take for granted the things, that we should be giving thanks for.
21. Love is the only thing that can be divided without being diminished.
22. Happiness is enhanced by others, but does not depend upon others.
23.. For every minute you are angry with someone,You lose 60 seconds of happiness that you
can never get back.
24. Do what you can, for who you can, with what you have, and where you are.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Maths
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter,
I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this,
I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."
I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this,
I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."
Hot And Cold
AN ELDERLY MARRIED COUPLE SCHEDULED THEIR ANNUAL MEDICAL EXAMINATION ON THE SAME DAY SO THEY COULD TRAVEL TOGETHER. AFTER THE EXAMINATION, THE DOCTOR THEN SAID TO THE ELDERLY MAN; "YOU APPEAR TO BE IN GOOD HEALTH. DO YOU HAVE ANY MEDICAL CONCERNS THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO DISCUSS WITH ME?" "IN FACT, I DO ", SAID THE MAN. "AFTER I HAVE SEX WITH MY WIFE FOR THE FIRST TIME, I AM USUALLY HOT AND SWEATY. AND THEN, AFTER HAVING SEX WITH MY WIFE THE SECOND TIME, I AM USUALLY COLD AND CHILLY." "THIS IS VERY INTERESTING ", REPLIED THE DOCTOR. "LET ME DO SOME RESEARCH AND GET BACK TO YOU." AFTER EXAMINING THE ELDERLY LADY, THE DOCTOR SAID: "EVERYTHING APPEARS TO BE FINE. DO YOU HAVE ANY MEDICAL CONCERNS THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO DISCUSS WITH ME?" THE LADY REPLIED THAT SHE HAD NO QUESTIONS NOR CONCERNS. THE DOCTOR THEN ASKED; "YOUR HUSBAND HAD AN UNUSUAL CONCERN. HE CLAIMS THAT HE IS USUALLY HOT AND SWEATY AFTER HAVING SEX THE FIRST TIME WITH YOU AND THEN COLD AND CHILLY AFTER THE SECOND TIME. DO YOU KNOW WHY?" "OH THAT OLD COOT!" SHE REPLIED. "THAT'S BECAUSE THE FIRST TIME IS USUALLY IN JULY AND THE SECOND TIME IS USUALLY IN DECEMBER!"
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Glass Of Milk
One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry. He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it so slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you?" "You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness." He said ... "Then I thank you from the bottom of my heart." As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.. Many year's later that same young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease. Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes. Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room. Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to her case. After a long struggle, the battle was won. Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest! of her life to pay for it all. Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words. "Paid in full with one glass of milk" (Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly. Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You God, that Your love has spread broad through human hearts and hands." There's a saying which goes something like this: Bread cast on the waters comes back to you. The good deed you do today may benefit you or someone you love at the least expected time. If you never see the deed again at least you will have made the world a better place - And, after all, isn't that what life is all about? Now you have two choices. 1. You can send this page on and spread a positive message. 2. Or ignore it and pretend it never touched your heart.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
He tried to outwit God
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods.
"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers!
What beautiful animals!" ....he said to himself.
As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes.
Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly (bear)charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him. At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God...!"
Time stopped. The bear froze.The forest was silent. It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a Voice came out of the sky saying:
"You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light and said: "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice. The light went out, and the sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and Prayed: "Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful, Amen."
"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers!
What beautiful animals!" ....he said to himself.
As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes.
Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly (bear)charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him. At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God...!"
Time stopped. The bear froze.The forest was silent. It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a Voice came out of the sky saying:
"You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light and said: "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice. The light went out, and the sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and Prayed: "Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful, Amen."
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
OOLONG TEA - Something to learn and appreciated
A carrot, an egg, and a cup of Oolong tea...
You will never look at a cup of Oolong the same way again. A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose. Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire Soon the pots came to boil.
In the first she placed carrots,
in the second she placed eggs,
and in the last she placed Oolong tea.
She let them sit and boil; without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the Oolong out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see." "Carrots, eggs, and Oolong tea," she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the Oolong. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?" Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The Oolong tea was unique, however. After they were in the boiling water , they had changed the water color and taste. "Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a Oolong tea
Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?
Or am I like the Oolong tea? The tea actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the tea, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a Oolong tea? May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying. You might want to send this message to those people who mean something to you (I JUST DID); to those who have touched your life in one way or another; to those who make you smile when you really need it; to those who make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down; to those whose friendship you appreciate; to those who are so meaningful in your life. Let share this story with all our friend. If you don't send it, you will just miss out on the opportunity to brighten someone's day with this message! May we all be OOLONG TEA !!!!!!!!!
You will never look at a cup of Oolong the same way again. A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose. Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire Soon the pots came to boil.
In the first she placed carrots,
in the second she placed eggs,
and in the last she placed Oolong tea.
She let them sit and boil; without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the Oolong out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see." "Carrots, eggs, and Oolong tea," she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the Oolong. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?" Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The Oolong tea was unique, however. After they were in the boiling water , they had changed the water color and taste. "Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a Oolong tea
Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?
Or am I like the Oolong tea? The tea actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the tea, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a Oolong tea? May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying. You might want to send this message to those people who mean something to you (I JUST DID); to those who have touched your life in one way or another; to those who make you smile when you really need it; to those who make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down; to those whose friendship you appreciate; to those who are so meaningful in your life. Let share this story with all our friend. If you don't send it, you will just miss out on the opportunity to brighten someone's day with this message! May we all be OOLONG TEA !!!!!!!!!
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Thank God, It Friday, So Smile
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom !
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
"Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.
"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter?"
If you don't send this to five OLD friends right away there will befive fewer people smiling in the world
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom !
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
"Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.
"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter?"
If you don't send this to five OLD friends right away there will befive fewer people smiling in the world
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Letter To God
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed in shaky handwriting to God, with no actual address.
He thought he should open it to see what it was about.
The letter read: "Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope.Can you please help me?
Sincerely,
Edna
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.
The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
Christmas came and went.
A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read,
"Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends.>We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those bastards at the Post Office.
Sincerely yours,
Edna
One day, a letter came addressed in shaky handwriting to God, with no actual address.
He thought he should open it to see what it was about.
The letter read: "Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope.Can you please help me?
Sincerely,
Edna
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.
The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
Christmas came and went.
A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read,
"Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends.>We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those bastards at the Post Office.
Sincerely yours,
Edna
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
WHo Can Say ?
I like to share this message with you. Any comment will be appreciated. Hope we can learn some value from this story
There once was very poor man living in a village who had a very fine horse. So fine, in fact, that the lord of the castle wanted to buy it. But the old man always refused.
"To me this horse is not merely an animal. He's a friend.How could I sell you my friend?"
One morning he went to the stable and found his horse gone.
All the villagers said, "We told you! You should have sold your horse. Now he's been stolen instead. What terrible luck."
"Bad luck or good luck," the old man said. "Who can say?"
Everyone laughed at him. But 15 days later the horse returned, followed by a whole herd of wild horses. He had escaped from the stable, courted a young mare, and returned with the rest ofthe herd following behind!
"What luck!" the villagers cried.
The old man and his son began training the wild horses. But a week later the man's son broke his leg trying to train one of the horses.
"Bad luck," said his friends. "What are you going to do now without your son to help you? You who are already so poor."
"Bad luck, good luck, who can say?" the old man replied.
A few days later an army belonging to the lord of the land passed through the village and forced all the young men to become soldiers. All... except the old man's son, because of his broken leg.
"How lucky you are," the villagers cried. "All our children are gone to war, but you've been able to keep your son. Our sons will probably be killed..."
The old man replied, "Bad luck, good luck... who can say?"
The future comes to us in bits and pieces. We never know what lies in store for us. But if you always maintain a positive attitude the doors of chance remain open, and you will be a happier person.
...............................................................
"Remember that happiness doesn't depend on what you are or on what you possess, but only on how you think." Dale Carnegie
"Contentment brings happiness even in poverty. Discontent brings poverty, even in wealth." Confucius
There once was very poor man living in a village who had a very fine horse. So fine, in fact, that the lord of the castle wanted to buy it. But the old man always refused.
"To me this horse is not merely an animal. He's a friend.How could I sell you my friend?"
One morning he went to the stable and found his horse gone.
All the villagers said, "We told you! You should have sold your horse. Now he's been stolen instead. What terrible luck."
"Bad luck or good luck," the old man said. "Who can say?"
Everyone laughed at him. But 15 days later the horse returned, followed by a whole herd of wild horses. He had escaped from the stable, courted a young mare, and returned with the rest ofthe herd following behind!
"What luck!" the villagers cried.
The old man and his son began training the wild horses. But a week later the man's son broke his leg trying to train one of the horses.
"Bad luck," said his friends. "What are you going to do now without your son to help you? You who are already so poor."
"Bad luck, good luck, who can say?" the old man replied.
A few days later an army belonging to the lord of the land passed through the village and forced all the young men to become soldiers. All... except the old man's son, because of his broken leg.
"How lucky you are," the villagers cried. "All our children are gone to war, but you've been able to keep your son. Our sons will probably be killed..."
The old man replied, "Bad luck, good luck... who can say?"
The future comes to us in bits and pieces. We never know what lies in store for us. But if you always maintain a positive attitude the doors of chance remain open, and you will be a happier person.
...............................................................
"Remember that happiness doesn't depend on what you are or on what you possess, but only on how you think." Dale Carnegie
"Contentment brings happiness even in poverty. Discontent brings poverty, even in wealth." Confucius
Monday, July 2, 2007
Difference between "doing different thing" and "doing thing differently"
YOUNG MAN WENT FOR AN IAS INTERVIEW
"When did India get independence?" He was asked.
"The efforts began many years earlier and the final result was in 1947" He replied.
"Who was responsible for our independence?"
"There were so many. Whom to mention?. If I name one it will be a injustice to another. "he replied."
"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"
"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report" he replied.
The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.
When he went out naturally ,others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Sardar would not leave him.
"At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged. Then it was the turn of this Sardar. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him. "By the way, what is your date of birth?"
He replied, "The effort began many years earlier and final result was in 1947."
Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification.
"What is your fathers name?" He replied,
"There were so many, whom to mention. If I name one it will be injustice to another."
The interviewer was incensed. "Hey! are you mad or what?"
He replied."Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report."
"When did India get independence?" He was asked.
"The efforts began many years earlier and the final result was in 1947" He replied.
"Who was responsible for our independence?"
"There were so many. Whom to mention?. If I name one it will be a injustice to another. "he replied."
"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"
"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report" he replied.
The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.
When he went out naturally ,others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Sardar would not leave him.
"At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged. Then it was the turn of this Sardar. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him. "By the way, what is your date of birth?"
He replied, "The effort began many years earlier and final result was in 1947."
Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification.
"What is your fathers name?" He replied,
"There were so many, whom to mention. If I name one it will be injustice to another."
The interviewer was incensed. "Hey! are you mad or what?"
He replied."Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report."
Hotel Bill
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired tocontinue and decide to stop for a rest.
They pull into a nice hotel and take a room, but they plan tosleep for only four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands thema bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk that, although it's a nice hotel, the rooms are certainly not worth $350.
When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man and explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and! wife to use.
"But we didn't use them," the man complains. "Well, they are here and you could have," explains the Manager
e goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the showsfor which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the managain. "Well, we have them and you could have," the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies "But we didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved and eventually the man gives up andagrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir,"he says, "this check is made out only for $50."
"That's correct," says the man. "I charged you $300 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well, too bad," the man replies. "She was here and you could have."
They pull into a nice hotel and take a room, but they plan tosleep for only four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands thema bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk that, although it's a nice hotel, the rooms are certainly not worth $350.
When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man and explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and! wife to use.
"But we didn't use them," the man complains. "Well, they are here and you could have," explains the Manager
e goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the showsfor which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the managain. "Well, we have them and you could have," the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies "But we didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved and eventually the man gives up andagrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir,"he says, "this check is made out only for $50."
"That's correct," says the man. "I charged you $300 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well, too bad," the man replies. "She was here and you could have."
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Confessionals
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest,
"I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I>stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in.
You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according>to you, that's the same as putting it in !"
______________________________________________________________
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession.
Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."
The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."
The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."
Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya 'think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"
Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?_______________________________________________________________
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
Man: "I'm 92 years old .... I'm telling everybody!"
"I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I>stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in.
You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according>to you, that's the same as putting it in !"
______________________________________________________________
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession.
Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."
The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."
The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."
Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya 'think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"
Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?_______________________________________________________________
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
Man: "I'm 92 years old .... I'm telling everybody!"
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