JOKE COLLECTION

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

HELL JOKE

A Malaysian Joke!

A Malaysian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a
different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks: "What do they do here?"
He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.
He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Malaysian hell and finds that there is a very long
line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed he asks "What do they do here?"

He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the Malaysian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells

why are there so many people waiting to get in? "

"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,
someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a
former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the
canteen..."

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Joke Collection

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.He shoots his friend to death.Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
========= ========= ========= ==
Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, "send me a brother"Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
What is the definition of Mistress?Someone between Mister and Mattress
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Husband asks, "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??"Without Information, Fighting Everytime" Wife replies," No, It means, "With Idiot For Ever !!!"
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Three Feelings:What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Teacher: "u know the importance of period"?Kid: "Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away."
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S?
B'coz people started licking the wrong side
.============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, "all these kids are urs?""No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints."
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives. 1st: "How urs look like?"2nd: "She is 5'7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. Wat abt urs?" 1st: "Forget mine. Lets find urs!"
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Son asks difference between "in confidence" and "confidential"Dad says, "In confidence, you are my son, "Yr friend is also my son, but that's confidential!"
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Mother to her teenage daughter: "I think this is the right time we shouldtalk about sex."Daughter (Excitingly) : "Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know." Mother faints..

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Jane and Arlene

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts i t over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers. "Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Classic One line joke

Joke 1

A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below. He thought to himself, "Life isn't so bad after all," and got off the railing. He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life. "Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind." "Dancing? I'm not dancing!" the armless man replied bitterly... "My as$hole itches, and I can't scratch it!"

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Two Ghost Met And Both Chat About How They Died

1st ghost : How u died?
2nd ghost : I died of cold.
1st ghost : How does it feel when you're dying in cold?
2nd ghost : Actually, I was imprisoned in the refrigerator. Initially, I was shivering, then my whole body started to freeze, later I felt the whole world was dark and I died. Fortunately, I died with not much sufferings.
1st ghost : You're so pityful....
2nd ghost : How about you? How did u die?
1st ghost : I died from heart attack.
2nd ghost : I see, why did u have a heart attack?
1st ghost : Actually, I found out that my wife is having an affair with another man. One day, when I came back from work, saw a pair of man shoes outside my house. Then, I realized that the guy was in my house with my wife. When I rushed into the bedroom, my wife was alone. I must find where that bastard is hiding. So I searched the toilet, I ran downstairs, looked in the storeroom, but the bastard was not there. So, I ran upstairs and searched the wardrobe, but I found nothing. Because I was too tired of all that running,I got a heart attack and died.
2nd ghost : Why didn't you look for the bastard in the fridge? If you did, both of us were alive now!!

What Do You Thinkl ????

Guys drink to forget about the girl...
Girls drink to think back about the guy...

When guys are in love, they become poor.
When girls are in love, they become pretty...

Guys can forget, but cannot forgive...
Girls can forgive, but cannot forget..

Guys care the most about the quantity of love...
Girls care the most about the quality of love..

Guys break-up when they feel love from another girl...
Girls break-up when they feel the feeling of separation from her man...

Guys feel curiosity towards all girls...
Girls feel curiosity towards guys who are interested in her..

When guys are heartbroken, they try to forget about the girl by going out with another girl...
When girls are heartbroken, they try to find his characteristics from another guy...

Guys wish to be her first love....
Girls wish to be his last love...

"Women are nothing but trouble,
And Men are nothing but trouble seekers."