"Miss Jones, we can't employ you as a model," the editor from the men's
magazine explained. "It's too obvious that your blonde hair isn't
natural, since the hair between your legs is black."
The model picked up a paperweight and slammed it down on the editor's
fingers.
"What the hell did you do that for!" he exploded. She smiled sweetly and
said, "Look at your fingers. They're turning black, right? And they've
only been banged once."
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Dominant Male huh ?
Never think that God's delays are God's denials.
Hold on; hold fast; hold out. Patience is genius.
Men and Women on planet earth died at various places throughout the
world at a particular moment in time and go to God's abode to be judged.
The God welcomes this new batch and tries his experimental new judgement
trick and says," I want all you humans to form two queues.
One line is for the men who dominated their women,
and the other one for the men who were dominated by their women.
Also, I want all the women to go away from here so that no man and woman can talk and I can talk to men alone."
When the women were gone, the Almighty returns and there are two lines.
The line for the men who were dominated by their women is a hundred miles
long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there is only one
solitary man.
The God about to open his third eye of anger, thunders,
"You men should be ashamed of yourselves.
I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud.
Learn from him!"
"Come and tell all them henpecked, my brave son, how did you manage to
be the only one in this line?" God asked.
The nervous man replies, "I don't know sir, but my wife told me to stand
here, until this is over ."
Hold on; hold fast; hold out. Patience is genius.
Men and Women on planet earth died at various places throughout the
world at a particular moment in time and go to God's abode to be judged.
The God welcomes this new batch and tries his experimental new judgement
trick and says," I want all you humans to form two queues.
One line is for the men who dominated their women,
and the other one for the men who were dominated by their women.
Also, I want all the women to go away from here so that no man and woman can talk and I can talk to men alone."
When the women were gone, the Almighty returns and there are two lines.
The line for the men who were dominated by their women is a hundred miles
long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there is only one
solitary man.
The God about to open his third eye of anger, thunders,
"You men should be ashamed of yourselves.
I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud.
Learn from him!"
"Come and tell all them henpecked, my brave son, how did you manage to
be the only one in this line?" God asked.
The nervous man replies, "I don't know sir, but my wife told me to stand
here, until this is over ."
Monday, December 10, 2007
Love Dress
A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house.
She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked
to see her daughter-in-law laying on the couch, totally naked. Soft
music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for John to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered..
"But you're naked!" The mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress." The daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"John loves me to wear this dress." She explained.
"It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours. He can't get enough of me".
The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, puton her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" He asked.
"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.
"Needs ironing, " he said - "What's for dinner?"
She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked
to see her daughter-in-law laying on the couch, totally naked. Soft
music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for John to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered..
"But you're naked!" The mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress." The daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"John loves me to wear this dress." She explained.
"It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours. He can't get enough of me".
The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, puton her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" He asked.
"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.
"Needs ironing, " he said - "What's for dinner?"
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Little Johnny
A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'' She calls on little Johnny.
''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''
The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4, but I like the way you think.''
Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?''
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, ''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''
''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like the way you think .''
''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''
The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4, but I like the way you think.''
Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?''
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, ''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''
''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like the way you think .''
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
HELL JOKE
A Malaysian Joke!
A Malaysian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a
different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks: "What do they do here?"
He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.
He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Malaysian hell and finds that there is a very long
line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed he asks "What do they do here?"
He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the Malaysian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells
why are there so many people waiting to get in? "
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,
someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a
former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the
canteen..."
A Malaysian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a
different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks: "What do they do here?"
He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.
He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Malaysian hell and finds that there is a very long
line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed he asks "What do they do here?"
He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the Malaysian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells
why are there so many people waiting to get in? "
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,
someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a
former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the
canteen..."
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Joke Collection
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.He shoots his friend to death.Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
========= ========= ========= ==
Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, "send me a brother"Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
What is the definition of Mistress?Someone between Mister and Mattress
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Husband asks, "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??"Without Information, Fighting Everytime" Wife replies," No, It means, "With Idiot For Ever !!!"
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Three Feelings:What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Teacher: "u know the importance of period"?Kid: "Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away."
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S?
B'coz people started licking the wrong side
.============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, "all these kids are urs?""No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints."
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives. 1st: "How urs look like?"2nd: "She is 5'7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. Wat abt urs?" 1st: "Forget mine. Lets find urs!"
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Son asks difference between "in confidence" and "confidential"Dad says, "In confidence, you are my son, "Yr friend is also my son, but that's confidential!"
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Mother to her teenage daughter: "I think this is the right time we shouldtalk about sex."Daughter (Excitingly) : "Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know." Mother faints..
========= ========= ========= ==
Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, "send me a brother"Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
What is the definition of Mistress?Someone between Mister and Mattress
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Husband asks, "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??"Without Information, Fighting Everytime" Wife replies," No, It means, "With Idiot For Ever !!!"
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Three Feelings:What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Teacher: "u know the importance of period"?Kid: "Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away."
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S?
B'coz people started licking the wrong side
.============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, "all these kids are urs?""No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints."
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives. 1st: "How urs look like?"2nd: "She is 5'7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. Wat abt urs?" 1st: "Forget mine. Lets find urs!"
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Son asks difference between "in confidence" and "confidential"Dad says, "In confidence, you are my son, "Yr friend is also my son, but that's confidential!"
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Mother to her teenage daughter: "I think this is the right time we shouldtalk about sex."Daughter (Excitingly) : "Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know." Mother faints..
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Jane and Arlene
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts i t over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers. "Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)