Canadian Citizenship Interview

An immigrant from China is applying for citizenship in Canada.She is to be interviewed by a Canadian immigration officer. She does not speak English well and knows nothing about Canada. Therefore, she invited a special translator to help her in her interview.
 
Officer: Do you know who was the first Prime Minister of Canada?
 
Translator: ( in Cantonese) The officer asked you, Where do you usually go if you want to eat hamburger?
 
Lady: (answered to the officer) Oh..... McDonald (the first minister of Canada is Sir John MacDonald.)
 
The officer nodded his head and then asked the second question.
 
Officer: Could you tell me which province you're living in now?
 
Translator: (in Cantonese) The officer just asked you, What is the dirtiest thing in your nose?
 
Lady: (replied to the officer in Cantonese) Ah..... Bay See (which means nose dirt in Chinese) 

                  (The man lives in the province of British Columbia, commonly known as B.C.)
 
The officer added a current affair question, "Who is the prime minister of Canada now?"
 
The translator speaks in Cantonese, "What's that part of the face below your lips and above your neck?" 
 
Lady replied "Har Par".  (which means chin in Cantonese) (The current prime minister of Canada is Prime Minister Stephen Harper)

The officer nodded his head again and asked the final question.
 
Officer: Do you know what your privilege is when you become Canadian?
 
Translator: (in Cantonese) The officer asked you, How does a dog sounds like when it barks?
 
Lady: (demonstrated the sound to the officer)... Woe, Woe. (Vote, Vote. One of the privileges of a Canadian is the right to vote.)
 
The officer told the lady that all the questions were answered correctly, shook hands with her and congratulated her that she had passed the interview to be a Canadian citizen

Apple Family

Husband of the Year

Husband of the year awards

The honourable mention goes to:

The  United Kingdom

followed closely by...
The   United States of America

and then...

Poland 

 but 3rd Place must go to...

Greece

it was very close but the runner up prize

was awarded to....

Serbia

 

 but the winner of the husband/partner of the  !year is:

Ireland. Ya gotta love the Irish.

The Irish are true romantics, look, he's even

holding her hand...

Woman has Man  in it; Mrs. has Mr. in it; Female has Male  in it; She has He  in it; Madam has Adam in it; Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now.. .. I never looked at it this way before: Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN? MENtal illness ! MENstrual cramps MENtal  breakdown MENopause GUYnecologist AND When we have REAL trouble, it's a.. HISterectomy. Send this to all the women you know to brighten their day. Send this to all the men just to annoy them.... Remember You Don't Stop Laughing Because You Grow Old, You Grow Old Because You Stop Laughing

 
"If doing something makes you worried, then it must be a wrong thing. If it makes you happy, then you must have done the right thing. What others say is really not important

GRANDPARENT'S Telephone ANSWERING MACHINE

Good morning .... At present we are not at home, but please leave your message after you hear the beep.    beeeeeppp ...

 If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of "arrival" so we know who it is.

 If you need us to stay with the children, press 2 

If you want to borrow the car, press 3 

 If you want us to wash your clothes and ironing, press 4 

 If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5

If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6

If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press 7

If you want to come to eat here, press 8

If you need money, dial 9

If you are going to invite us to dinner, or taking us to the theater, start talking ... we are listening !!!!!!!!!!!"

Alway Tell The Truth In Court !!

When Grandma Goes To Court

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepare for the answer.

In a trial. a Southern small town prosecuting attonery called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to a stand. He approached her and asked,

'Mrs Jones , do you know me ?"

She responded , "Why, yes, I do know you , Mr William. I 've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brain to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do , he pointed across the room and asked,

"Mrs Jones, do you know the defence attonery ?"

She again replied.

"Why , yes , I do know Mr Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy , bigoted, and he had a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practise is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention, he cheated on his wife with three difference women. One of them is your wife. Yes , I know him."

The defence attonery nearly died.

The judge ask both counselors to approach the bench and , in a very quiet voice, said,

"If either of you idiots ask her if she know me, I'll send you both to electric chair !!"

Pathan Joke

80,000 Pathans meet in the Peshawar Stadium for a "Pathans Are Not Stupid" Convention.

The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that Pathans are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A Pathan works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks him, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds he says, "Eighteen!" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 PAthans start cheering, "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"

The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give him another chance."So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"

After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, "Ninety?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the Pathan starts crying and the 80,000 men begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance-- What is 2 plus 2?"

The man closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"

Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 pathans jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...

"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"

April Fool.............